The Washingtonians – Masters of Horror – Rating 2 out of 5

Absurd and ridiculous pretty much sums this one up. In essence we have the story of George Washington as a cannibal and a secret society that will do anything to keep that secret.

The movie starts of fine with a timid little girl in an old house which she feels is creepy. Shadows around every corner, creepy pictures and sheets covering items in the basement give plenty of reasons for her to jump. And during one of her jumps a painting gets knocked down and a note gets revealed which very briefly sums up that Washington was a cannibal. Why you would write something like that I have no idea, but there it is.

The townspeople find out about the note and their legend seems to be close to being exposed. How 3 sentences on a sheet of paper would actually be enough to cause this sort of exposure is beyond me, but they feel it to be a real threat.

The townspeople proceed to dress in period costumes complete with white faces and crazy wigs and threaten to kill the family if they don’t get the note. What ensues is a poorly acted, completely absurd plot of actions that just don’t have any basis in reality. And what they lack in plot they make up for in dinner scenes designed to depict eating human flesh with blood dripping down their faces complete with blood soaked clothes and napkins. It’s gross to be sure, but it’s so over the top it becomes comical. Watching people suck on intestines does have a gross out factor but when they start to suck it up like spaghetti it looses its scare factor.

There is little to like about this story. It has great sets and the costumes look authentic, but the movie is just too silly to cause a good scare. It would have been better to try make this a dark comedy or spoof.

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