Zombieland – October 9th

This looks hilarious!! I think this is a much better role for Woody Harrelson than those serious ones he’s been trying on.

Other Articles of Interest:

Session 9

Now this is some good old fashioned creepy story telling that makes you wonder what’s going on. It may lack a little in the substance department, but it’s still pretty cool.

An asbestos removal crew is called in to clean up an old mental asylum (they’re everywhere) so it can be turned into office space. To get the winning bid they claim they can do it in a week less than the competition. Desperate for money and the contract, they again shave off time and claim they can work nearly round the clock to get the job done. Overworked and underpaid odd things begin to happen.

As they begin to remove the debris an old case of cassette tapes is found which contain recordings from a patient with multiple personalities. One member of the team becomes obsessed with listening to the tapes and the dark trauma they reveal. Another team member uncovers a stash of old coins and is soon sneaking back onto the job site at night to retrieve them (but is he alone?). Another is having problems at home with his wife and new baby and the pressure of not getting enough sleep is taking its toll. And finally, one crewman seems to be making interesting deals with the local hooligan youth who seem to be lurking around the grounds.

They all begin to unravel and give way to the pressure of getting the job done. Are they actually going to get paid? Will they get done in time? Where is the rest of the team?

Abandoned mental hospitals are great places to tell a story, but when you throw in grainy tapes of what sounds like a sexual abuse and murder case you’ve got some interesting room to work. Further, the crew keeps disappearing making it harder for the rest of the group. Soon the tensions are overflowing and something is going to snap.

You have to wait until the end to find out what’s really going on. And unlike so many other movies this one actually works. Everyone seems to be hiding something and has plenty of reasons to go off the deep end. But, is it all just stress related or is there some other force working its way around this hospital? Are the events described by the patient related to the hospital? Very little blood and gore, just a movie that spins you around a few times. Keep your expectations low and you’ll have a good time with this one.

Other Articles of Interest:


Another movie that’s really good until it hits the halfway point. Then they have that pesky problem of trying to explain what’s happening and why, and then the whole movie goes to crap.

Kiefer Sutherland plays Ben Carson, a former police detective (aren’t they always) who’s dodgy past has landed him as the security guard for an abandoned mall. But not just any mall, a mall with a checkered past where a fire swept through killing dozens of people. And within this mall of the damned (not to be confused with the Mall of America) evil sprits lurk within the old mirrors and they have taken a liking to Ben and his family. And by liking I mean they are out to get him and his family and cause some wicked self-destruction and mutilation.

As I said, it’s all working until they try to explain why there are evil spirits in the mirrors and why the fire started and why that security guard took a glass shard to the jugular in the opening scenes. But it just doesn’t make sense. Are the spirits seeking vengeance or asking for help? Was the fire an accident or was there a cover-up? Is this is a mall or an insane asylum? And what the hell do we need the Nun for?

To hell with the plot let’s just have a CGI orgasm and throw everything we can onto the screen and hope the audience buys into it. By the time the end comes around you just don’t care anymore. Who cares why any of this is happening, just get me off this buggy.

Lots of potential and some pretty impressive initial effects but overall this really goes nowhere.

Other Articles of Interest:

The Haunting in Connecticut

Based on a chilling true story, Lionsgate’s The Haunting in Connecticut charts one family’s terrifying, real-life encounter with the dark forces of the supernatural. When the Campbell family moves to upstate Connecticut, they soon learn that their charming Victorian home has a disturbing history: not only was the house a transformed funeral parlor where inconceivable acts occurred, but the owner’s clairvoyant son Jonah served as a demonic messenger, providing a gateway for spiritual entities to cross over. Now, unspeakable terror awaits when Jonah, the boy who communicated with the dead, returns to unleash a new kind of horror on the innocent and unsuspecting family.

Based on a "true" story. (Basically that means it’s all fake…)

Here’s how you build a horror movie. Take a kid and give him cancer (always fashionable and gives you so many possibilities). Load him up with drugs that may or may not be causing hallucinations (again, you can get away with a look of cool crap when you do it this way). Make him weak and scrawny due to the weight loss (the sympathy ploy and the walking dead are cool). And finally, get the family to move into a house where the rent is an unbelievable deal and they can’t figure out why no one else wants the place (self explanatory). And just to add to the excitement make it an old funeral home (everybody loves a story with a funeral home in it).

Actually, the first part of this movie is really good. Lots of things happen in the background, with quick glimpses of something in the mirror or walking past a door. Things move along quite well until they try to explain why all the "activity" is happening. Then things go off the rails. In a big way.

The movie takes a lot of liberties with the funeral home aspect. They make it out that the previous owners took liberties with their customers, experimented on the bodies, and used them for necromancy (the diabolical angle, always a good choice). There is even a mysterious boy who seems to be able to communicate with the dead which Matt can see and seems to be channeling. Jonah is used in séances as a conduit into the spirit world. His crazed funeral home patriarchs keep him around for abilities.

It’s an interesting idea but they go so far over the top the whole movie becomes moronic. Bodies are stuffed into every cranny and nook of the house. Jonah is spewing ectoplasm like pea soup – which looks stupid as hell by the way. Bodies are literally dropping from the ceiling in the big climactic, fiery showdown. And once we get to this point everything looks fake as hell.

It started off strong, but in the end it’s just a steamy pile. It might not be bad as a rental, if nothing else is on the shelves, but holy hell at $20 to buy it you’re getting ripped off!

I still think this story is a complete farce and can’t be taken seriously. There are so many holes in the tale it makes Amityville look realistic.

Other Articles of Interest:

Recent Comments