Deer Woman – Masters of Horror – Rating 4 out of 5

Deer Woman – Masters of Horror – Rating 4 out of 5

"Why does everything have to have a why with you people? You know, it’s a woman with deer legs, motive really isn’t an issue here."

An offbeat horror comedy about a series of murders where the victims are beaten into mince meat by their attacker. Without leaving any evidence the police struggle to understand what is happening with these bizarre trucker murders.

One of the better episodes in this series. Brian Benben makes this movie work as Dwight Faraday who is sent to investigate a bizarre trucker murder. What he discovers is a large bloody mess – apparently the victim and not much else. Dwight and his new partner "Jacob Reed" (Anthony Griffith) continue to investigate the murder even after homicide has picked up the case.

The two continue to check the evidence, come up with theories and stumble on the "Deer Woman", a Native American legend of a woman with deer legs who seduces men and leads them to their doom.

There is no mystery about "Whodunnit" since we know who the culprit is right from the opening scene, but it’s an amusing and simple movie with a quirky and dark sense of humor. The blood and gore is at a minimum which is good since the Masters of Horror don’t know special effects for shit and sloppy effects don’t ruin a humor romp.

Cinthia Moura is amusing in a completely non-speaking role. You have to note she simply smiles and nods her heads through the movie. That and show of her chest. But I have to say, it’s an amazing chest and the movie is worth watching just to have a look. Ay Dios Mio!

It’s a fun movie done in the same style as "American Werewolf in London". A little blood and guts to keep things interesting, a wacky story line and some offbeat characters. I have been disappointed in several offerings from MOH, but I like this one. Not the for the same reason I like "The Black Cat", but it has a certain charm that makes it worthwhile.

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Dreams in the Witch House – Masters of Horror – Rating 3 out of 5

Dreams in the Witch House – Masters of Horror – Rating 3 out of 5

Based on an H.P. Lovecraft tale of a stressed out student in less than charming living accommodations who begins to hear sounds behind the walls and see strange figures. A rat with a human face gives him a warning about the strange events but he’s more concerned with getting in the pants of the single mom who lives in the same building. The movie is pretty predictable and the ending isn’t very satisfying, but there are some good jumps along the way and the old house certainly has its place for setting the mood.

Walter is a grad student who needs a quiet place to study. He takes a room at a run down house. He begins to hear strange noises and see visions. In a rather absurd assumption he thinks there is a gateway to another dimension in his room. Or maybe it was the rat with the human face there was a hidden dimension there. As a side note whoever is in charge of special effects for MOH needs to be stopped. They are the worse props and CGI work I have ever seen. They look tragically fake and childish. To put it simply, if it’s not blood flying around the room these guys have no idea how to make an effect and it’s really destroying their stories.

Anyway, Walter things there is an evil presence in the house and that it’s going after his neighbor’s baby. He sees visions of figures trying to sacrifice the baby. He is even seduced by a figure that looks like the baby’s mother (Chelah Horsdal).

The nightmares become worse and Walter finds out the crazy old man downstairs has some insight into the whole affair and why he has that pentagram scratched into his back.

Walter finally has had enough and breaks into the wall in the corner of the room and discovers a mass grave and apparently unleashes all hell.

Slow, simple and not much of a plot this movie really doesn’t go anywhere. Walter sees and hears things he can’t explain. The ending doesn’t sum things up and we are left hanging. Stuart Gordon directed the Black Cat which I really like, but this is nowhere near as good or tight. Too many loose ends and plot holes keep this from being too much of a keeper.

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Sounds Like – Masters of Horror – Rating 3 out of 5

Sounds Like – Masters of Horror – Rating 3 out of 5

Predictable but still somewhat interesting, Sounds Like has an interesting premise but doesn’t really deliver a whole lot. It’s an interesting view of the world from the point of view of someone who can hear almost everything. Rain drops are a pounding menace, knives on a plate are deafening and the ticking of a clock can drive you mad. The sounds of Larry’s world are driving him mad and he’s starting to take steps to stop them.

This movie will make you think more than it will scare you. The amplified sounds of everything around you will be interesting and perhaps a little hair-raising when you realize what they are. But overall this movie is more like Office Space gone mad. Larry works at a tech support call center and it’s almost hard not to laugh at how close they have nailed the scenes. Larry is a jackass of a manager concerned with the tone of the voice and how long the call lasts. People hate him because of how he treats everyone and how he seems to hear everything.

Larry hates everyone because of the noises they make and because he’s lost his son. We see through the flashback scenes that Larry loved his son and their relationship was a solid one.

But without any particular reason (or is he just sinking after his wife says she wants another baby and then claims she’s pregnant) his hearing becomes more acute and he begins to hear everything – rain drops, knives on plates, knitting needles rubbing back and forth, the buzz of a light bulb, his wife’s eyes moving as she sleeps.

He begins to lose his grip and all he wants is a little piece and quiet. If it makes noise he needs to stop it. So he goes on an all out rampage to make the noises stop. Pretty much everything in his house gets destroy including his wife. He goes even further to make it so he can’t hear the noises.

Despite the lack of depth to any of the characters, very little suspense, and simple plot which really doesn’t go anywhere Chris Bauer does a great job with the role. His facial expression, the tone of his voice, his manners are all well executed. But overall this is a decent but far from great installment in this series.

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Imprint – Masters of Horror – Rating 2 out of 5

Imprint – Masters of Horror – Rating 2 out of 5

Not much of a plot but plenty of wife beating, disfigured prostitutes, torture and aborted fetuses. Imprint is a pretty vulgar and guttural movie that has a very dark side, but it has a senseless plot and an even more nonsensical ending that just makes you wonder what the point is.

I admit the “Banned from Cable” tagline had me interested. “What could be so bad they wouldn’t show it on cable?” So I sat down to Imprint and let the shock factor begin. For those who like torture movies this is for you. The basic premise of the movie is this:

An American goes to the Orient to find his lost love. He ends up talking to a disfigured prostitute who happens to know of his love. She tells him the story of how she stole the jade ring from the Madame of the whorehouse and how she was punished to death.

The remainder of the movie is recounting how she was tortured by having her body burned with bundles of incense, needles stuck under her fingernails and into her gums, and how she was strung up with a block and tackle to complete the job. When the girl doesn’t confess to taking the ring, they just add more torture to the mix to get her to talk. Its way overkill for the crime and to me seems completely out of context for the movie.

The American says she is lying and not telling him the whole truth, so she retells the story again adding a few pieces back in such as the parts of her mother having the job of helping parents get rid of their unwanted babies. There are plenty of scenes of little bodies floating down the river mixed in with the scenes of the tortured prostitute.

But in the end what makes this movie fail is the incredibly poor acting. There is no emotion, the dialog is stiff and monotone and the story is so thin it’s hardly worth watching. Couple this with an incredibly stupid ending and absolutely piss poor special effects and the movie isn’t worth sitting through. It’s graphic and violent but completely pointless and meaningless.

I’m not sure if it was banned because of the violence or because of it’s stupidity.

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