Consigning Reality to Ghosts

I can’t believe I missed this one. A very amusing article on all the paranormal shows that have cropped up over the last year.

Some amusing insights, but a few biting comments as well. Either way it’s worth reading.

Consigning Reality to Ghosts

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Paranormal State S04E05 – Haunted Sex Dungeon

When you’re having financial problems you can always blame it on the paranormal or a curse. That’s the case with Ken who believes he is cursed and that the house he lives in is evil. Ken hears voices from his boathouse and just generally thinks the house is bad and working against him. In fact, he’s blaming everything on the house. His financial problems, lawsuits and bad tenants are because of the bad house. Clearly it can’t be his financial stupidity, or choice in picking renters it has to be an outside force.

There is the claim the house is built on Indian land which is both sacred and a burial ground. The whole thing is being set up like the Amityville Horror.

During the first dead time, Chad lets loose with his typical barrage of expletives and then says he hears a voice in the room with him. Can’t anyone just calmly say they heard something? Does it always have to be bleeped out?

Ryan calls in Chip to give the lowdown on the house and what happened there. While taking the tour he almost slips and falls down the stairs. He claims he was pushed by something. Wandering up the stairs while blindfolded clearly had nothing to do with losing his balance.

The best part is when Chip goes to the sex room and touches the bondage furniture and gives out a wail of a scream. He says there is pain and all sorts of emotions associated with it. Well yeah Chip, it’s bondage furniture, that’s how it works. That right there was the best part of the show.

So, what do they do with the house? Toss out of the bondage furniture and everything should be set right. Apparently Hans, the German who owned the house previously doesn’t approve of all that freaky business in his house.

The closing scene of the son and father taking out the bondage toys is just hilarious. Here son, let’s just put this big cross out by the curb and the trash guys will take it away for us.

I guess we should be glad there wasn’t an exorcism.

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Paranormal State S04E04 – Boy Pushed Me

This episode makes even less sense than the previous one.

Start off with a boy who falls out the second story window. He claims a bad boy pushed him and that he’s scared of him. Right off this sounds like a family who can’t cope with a stupid accident in the family. It wasn’t that I simply wasn’t paying attention, it was the work of an evil spirit.

The kids have bad dreams about dying and being stabbed (too much Xbox at a friends house). Further, they say there are cannibals outside in the woods. The parents think there is something evil in the house causing all the problems. Certainly no child in the school would make up stories about a haunted wood where cannibals live, that’s just silly talk.

Ryan brings in a medium who says she feels something about a "quick death" and that something is warning her about the woods.

During their first dead time Chad sees his normal shadow movement. This guy sees shadows every single time. Are we sure he’s not just seeing himself standing in front of the damn lights?

To get some history of the location they talk with a local reporter who says that a boy and his dogs disappeared in the woods where the house currently stands. The reporter says the name of a suspect which is also a name heard on one of the tapes another paranormal group captured.

Ryan and team move outside for their next dead time and low and behold they hear twigs snapping and things falling from the trees. Of course my first thought it’s nothing more than branches falling or squirrels running in the trees. They do capture some sort of movement on the camera but no one can make out what it is. Chad goes with fast moving fog. You see shadows in every room and you now say this is fog?

Again they pretty much have no evidence so they go with the idea that because the family cut down trees when clearing the land for the house that they pissed of Mother Nature. Mother Nature is looking for some payback so they plant some trees to make things right. Eilfie does a little chant in the woods and that’s the end of that.

Plant a tree, ward off evil.

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Paranormal State S04E03 – Dead Legends

Here we have a hotel where the clients have apparently captured a shadow of a little boy who died on the property. There are claims of knives being thrown around like it’s a hibachi kitchen. And spirits are supposed to roam the halls scaring the Dickens out of people.

Ryan and Chad claim to have experiences of their own as they wander around the hotel. They hear noises, claim to hear the squeak of a tricycle wheel and see a shadow or some other figure in one of the rooms. But as far as tangible evidence goes they find a whole lot of nothing. They don’t capture any evidence, no voices, no knife wielding entities of any kind.

Further, when they check out the history of the location not a single story or death can be substantiated. Even though there was a fire there, no one is reported as dying because of it. When Chip arrives though he gets the sense that there was an explosion and a death.

Since they have no real evidence of any kind, it’s time to dig into the bag of tricks and pull out one of their far fetched ideas; and this one is a doozy. There really is no paranormal activity, but people have been telling stories and now believe in them which actually created spirit energy and paranormal activity. Basically, they have a bunch of urban legends which people have now convinced themselves are real. And because they think they’re real they feel they’re having experiences.

So what do you do when faced with such a dilemma? Why make up your own urban legends which refute the original urban legends of course. Make up stories that state there is no paranormal activity and the paranormal activity will disappear.

This episode made no sense at all.

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